Friday, 9 April 2010

Francois Morel's Chronicle in English - La Chronique de François Morel (En Anglais)

Following the regional elections in France, which were considered a great failure for the UMP, and especially for President Sarkozy himself, everybody, including members of his own party, have been taking turns to denounce his reforms and to condemn his style of leadership. So during the week of Sarkozy’s visit to the USA, the French press and commentators were all criticising his English, which they thought was the worst amongst the European heads of state. Perhaps that was why Francois Morel decided to do his chronique of Friday 2nd April entirely in highly accented English.

Allo M. Demarrand and everybody. I would like to say zis morning my chronique in English. I am pairfectly bilingual and I think that it is important to be not only frenchy-frenchy but to be open to ze perspectives of ze entire world. Naturally I profited de fait zat Mr Sarkozy has visited Mr Obama for saying ze great friendship who, which, exists between Americans and French people. Like said ze big poet Michael Sardou “if ze ‘Ricains was not coming ‘ere you’ll be all in Germany to speak about I don’t know what, to salute I don’t know woo”. It’s true, it’s complettly true! One morgen in the words of ze poet who illuminates ze way.

So Mr. Sarkozy and his pretty woman, Carla Bruni, was invited directly in ze White House by Mr and Mrs Obama, not in ze bistro of ze corner but directly in ze White House. It’s a great honoor, a great, great, great honoor, not only for ze French President and ze first lady but for everybody in France because when Mr President and his pretty woman are invited it’s you, it’s me, its Mr Demarrand, it’s Mr Achilly, it’s Mr Lefebure, it’s Mr Legrand, Thomas ze Tall ‘oo are invited.

Perhaps not exactly everybody, by example not Mr Guillon. Mr Stephane Guillon, I don’t know if you know ‘im, I don’t know if you have ‘ear speak of ‘im. ‘e begins to be very famous in France, ‘e makes some chroniques at ze beginning of ze week. Amusing chroniques, but REALLY aggressive chroniques and I think zat for ze moment it is better, zat he doesn’t go inside in any presidential palace where he is not very “in smell of holiness”, in “odeur de sanctité”. I think that today it is difficult for Mr Guillon. Mr Besson said zat Mr Guillon was racist, lache, I am sorry I do not know what is the traduction of lache in English, coward, OK, of coward and Mr Frederic Mitterrand, ze French minister of culture, it is not “n’importe qui”, has said recently that he detested ze remarks of Stephane Guillon. “I don’t succist where Guillon” he said (???) and he has added,” in France humorist people go too far”. All ze ministers now in France ‘ave to speak about Stephane Guillon, many declarations, many assertions, many speech, and during zis time ze works of ze various ministers are not done! Are not done! So I propose, not necessary to make a minister only consecrated to Stephane Guillon, but pir’aps a special cellule, “cellule speciale” in French, for e- tu-die every chronique of o’r friendly and talentuous colleague.
 So I come back to my subject, Mr Sarkozy was very sad about Mr Obama because he was not the first to be invited in ze White House. Before ‘im eight ‘eads of state of Europe was invited, eight, not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, EIGHT! Eight ‘eads of states of Europe was invited. It was fini-shed by becoming hurted, humiliated, the Greek, the Sweden, the Dootch and ‘im, Nicholas Sarkozy, the great head of state of the France NO invitation! He said what’s happened, I stink the party or what? But now all is back to normal, so much ze better. I think zat it is very profitable for the American President to listen all ze advice from ze French President, who success nowhere but who has an idée –a, un id’ – an id-ea, (c’est juste ce mot la j’ai du mal à le dire c’est dommage), from ze French President, who success nowhere but who has an idea on all. And now we sing all together “if ze ‘Ricains was not coming ‘ere you’ll be all in Germany to speak about I don’t know what, to salute I don’t know who”!


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